http://www.facebook.com/pages/Growinlove/185032924850471
I’ve recently started a Facebook page where couples can share ideas about how they grow in the love they’ve fallen into. Ideas include how to have more fun during the usual day-to-day routines, how to make the weekly date less usual and routine; clever gift giving ideas, and the talked about but rarely actualized romantic getaways.
Yesterday, Debbie shared the following: “I’m an early riser and David likes to sleep until the last possible minute. Every morning I wake David up by singing “The Good Morning Song”. ♫ ♪… Good morning dear David, good morning to you♪ ♫ to the happy birthday music. Since I’m not a good singer, we are both laughing by the time I finish the song. Corny, but we get to start the day being happy.”
This morning I woke up earlier than usual (well, actually I’m a crappy sleeper and there is no such thing as “usual”) and rather than go back to sleep (fat chance) I thought about possibly trying Debbie’s idea. The thought was initially disturbing. I hate to sing if it means that anyone will hear me. And I didn’t want to wake my wife earlier than necessary. Wouldn’t that be a bit risky for most people? I was encountering a significant amount of inertia.
But, I knew Brentz needed to get up soon, and, over the course of our marriage Brentz has asked me to sing to her hundreds of times (though with futility and diminishing frequency). I also thought that if I were to sing “Good morning to you…” I wouldn’t do it while standing erect at her bedside, I would rub her back or caress her arms, things that might take the edge off the rudeness of being awakened and by something considerably less soothing than Michael Buble. Hmmmm.
The idea actually had merit. The image of Debbie affectionately singing to David as she gently woke him seemed like a scene from a movie like “The Notebook”. Playful, sweet and loving. And as Debbie acknowledged “Since I’m not a good singer, we are both laughing by the time I finish the song. Corny, but we get to start the day being happy.”
But though the idea has merit, especially as it plays out in their mornings, actually doing it myself was a whole different prospect. I might make a total fool of myself. I’m a guy. Guys don’t sing and get away with it unless they are extremely good. (That’s been my rule anyway).
But growing and loving frequently mean doing the uncomfortable, the risky, and occasionally breaking personal pride protecting rules. How could I not act upon this clever idea? How could I rationalize not extending myself in a loving gesture to my wife (even though I had no guarantee that she would appreciate it)?
So, I did it (after brushing my teeth. No sense sabotaging the whole initiative). It felt awkward and risky yet I lay in bed beside her, rubbed her back, caressed her arms, and yes, actually sang to her.
The results? Mixed. Since she doesn’t like being awakened, she would rather target the alarm clock with her frustrations than to take it out on me. Yet, it started her day and mine with the experience of being loving and being loved. Though the love might always be there, we need to express it, to experience it, and to taste it, in order to grow it.
So, tomorrow I’ll let the alarm clock be the bearer of the bad news that her night has ended, and, soon thereafter I will to convey to her, musically or not, that her day is one in which she is dearly loved.
(Thank you Debbie and David for sharing your love.)
Grow In Love 