I’ve been in practice as a psychotherapist for 25 years and I’ve seen too many couples come into my office with emaciated marriages. Both he and she are lonely, hurt, frustrated, and certain that the other spouse not only doesn’t care, but is intentionally withholding love and understanding. They’ve become trapped in routine patterns of interaction that reinforce and daily “prove” what they both fear to be true–that the marriage must be tolerated or terminated.
So little is usually required to change this yet there is so much inertia, due primarily to ignorance, that love, must be acted upon, initiated, extended, and that by doing so (long enough) either spouse can reverse the downward trend and propel the trend upward creating an intense loving adventure that has no end and that cannot be imagined.
My hope is to generate responses from couples to this blog about ideas for little but vital actions we can take that will keep our love growing, that will keep us feeling like lovers and not just Mom and Dad or Mr. and Mrs. Let’s pool these ideas into an ongoing blog or possibly newsletter.
I want our children seeing their mommies and daddies smiling at each other, laughing and playing, hugging and kissing, and sometimes sneaking off together.
Paul S. Brandt, MS, LCSW